I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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