Need sex. Gaining weight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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