I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
