he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
