i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
