Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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