marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
