mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
