Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
