so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
