Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize