great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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