Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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