Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
