dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
is that a dick in a sweater?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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