dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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