My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
