Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
