Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
