Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
