Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
