I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
