How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
