I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
