Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
