That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
