new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize