If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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