the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize