did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
