Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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