the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
