Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
