how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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