So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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