Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
tell me about the fingering
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
