So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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