This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize