I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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