I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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