Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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