ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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