You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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