Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
