at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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