She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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