This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
