Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
