she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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