I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
