if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
