Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
