I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
