I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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