You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
