Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
