just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
