you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
