Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
