I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
