I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
