Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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