When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
