I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
